there is a new spirit around me
in the stones of the garden paths
in the jasmine filled air
permeating every atom
the newly elected Universal House of Justice has brought with it a new energy
a vibrancy
an aliveness
The World Centre is vibrating on a higher frequency
The marble of the Shrine floor glows brighter



A contrast to the exhaustion felt inside
All the preparation, all the hard work, behind the scenes of convention
now over
our community shines through
a glorious success
where everyone played a major part
a new era

Witnessing History

It's hard to describe what I have just witnessed.

Living, breathing history.

The 10th International Baha'i Convention.



In alphabetical order from Alaska to Zimbabwe each countries delegate(s) would come on stage, dressed in their national costume, and reverently place their vote for the Supreme Body of the Baha'i Faith into the wooden ballot box , standing centre stage.
In front of the box lay a large bouqet of red roses, sent on behalf of the Baha'i's of Iran.
The deep ruby red of the roses reminded me of the intense persecutions the Iranian Baha'i's have and are still facing, hence why they could not be a part of this election.

When countries such as Iraq, or Lebanon, or Jordan were announced, the assistant teller would place the postal ballots in the box on their behalf. A gasp of realisation and sorrow arose from the audience. How lucky WE are to witness this process when other Baha'i's of the world struggle to survive or be granted basic human rights.

I will never forget the moment right before the election, the head teller asking 'Would anyone like to change their vote? Now is the time.'
A large group of hands went into the air. The ushers handed out new ballot forms for them to fill in their vote. I can still remember the sound of rustling paper and pen as they cast their new vote. What an incredible process. So unique, so utterly different to any other election the world so typically runs by. One governed by primarily by spiritual awareness and consciousness. The three days previous to this was yet another time for the delegates to prayer, meditate and reflect at the Shrines and Holy Places on their decision. The room for change is always present with no pressure from anyone. Just you and your conscience.

The humility present when the Universal House of Justice was finally announced blew me away. Each member would be announced one by one and would stand on the stage, head bowed to the ground in absolute reverance, these spiritual giants standing before us, now carrying a heavy heavy load, the weight of the Baha'i World on their shoulders.
Doctor Arbab briefly addressed the audience with speech which highlighted their "absolute unworthiness of this position" and reminded us that this is Baha'u'llah's work, Baha'u'llah's faith and that they are "just servants"of the Blessed Beauty.
It was as if you could feel the Concourse on High circling above us in absolute joy in light of this momentous occasion.

The most beautiful moment occured just before the 9 members left the stage, spontaneously a soft chant of 'Allah'u'abha' arose from the African friends and it spread to everyone in the audience until those beautiful words filled the air with praise. Tears welling up in my eyes.

Thank you Baha'u'llah for allowing me to witness this utterly unique process. Who knows if I will ever get this bounty again in my lifetime.
It will be etched in my mind, in my soul forever.



The Arc Buildings and terraces
Lit up on the night of the election
30th April 2008

Not by bread alone

I had the most moving encounter two nights ago.
A group of us went to Old Jaffa, to watch a show performed by 11 deaf-blind actors, as in, they couldn't see or hear. Each actor had their own individual interpreter on stage with them who would communicate touch based sign-language. When the audience was clapping they would tap the hand of the actor so they knew.
I was blown away. What courageous, radiant souls. They smiled the whole time, even when one of the actors fainted on stage, she recovered and continued with the show.
'The show must go on' one of the actors said to me backstage. He was born blind and at the age of 7 lost his hearing through meningitis, yet he talks outloud even though he can't hear it himself.
I was privilged enough to be invited backstage before they went on. We sat in a circle and they introduced us "This is Chantelle, from the Baha'i World Centre in Haifa. She is from New Zealand (they had difficulty translating NZ, some people didnt know where it was...'next to australia' i bit my tongue, hehe)
Then after they had translated into 'touch-sign' I'll call it, I went around and shook hands with each of the actors, this is the only way they can get to know a person, if you touch their hand. One beautiful guy lifted my hand up and kissed it delicately. I wanted to burst into tears.
We took our seats in the circle and the director then asked, "Tell us about the Baha'i Faith.
Wow. What a beautiful moment. I scrambled around for a brief 1 minute summary... and they translated...
" The Baha'i Faith is a world religion that began in 1844. The main principle of Baha'u'llah, the founder of the Faith, is the unification of all the human race under one universal Cause, one common faith."
This got a few head nods from the actors. Then the director mentioned how special Haifa is and how the group must visit the Shrines. I was so so happy. These beautiful people would be the most receptive to the energy one gets when you go inside the Shrines. So many tourists come in, looking with their eyes, searching everywhere for a 'sign', expecting to see something huge, leaving disapointed because there was 'no dome to see'. Sometimes sight can become a veil, you forget the most important part, the feeling in your heart.
Back to Nalagaat (which means Please Do Touch in Hebrew - the name of the Company)

they started off each kneading their own bread, speaking of the challenges they face, inviting us into 'their bakery', that they do not live by bread alone, challenging the stereotypes we have about deaf-blind people just living to survive.
"Sometimes I feel lonely, like I am the only person in the world. Just me, the dark silence, and my thoughts" He spoke of how he has never seen a sunset. These things we take for granted....

One of them revealed what she said to her mum as a kid
"Mum why am I like this?"
"Because it is God's Will"

Most wouldn't actually speak outloud, the interpreter would do so. They shared their hopes and dreams, as the bread rised in the corner, they re-inacted Bat Sheva (one of the actors) dream of having her hair done by Israel's top hairdresser to the stars 'Yofi'.
The funny thing was, she had the most gorgeous hair already! I told her that after the show had ended, she smiled! That is how I heard of this company, while I was at the hairdressers in Jaffa, and I saw a postcard with them on it, instantly drawn to the picture of an old couple dancing, and a man on stilts wheeling a baby carriage in the background.....

They placed the bread in the 6 ovens on stage, and as the show continued you could smell it baking away...then once it was baked they invited us on stage to share with them the bread, to meet the actors and experience how they do not live by bread alone.......
I feel so inspired, and re- awakened by this experience.

newsflash....

never in my life would i expect this.
i filled in the email interview thinking, yeah it will make a page 12 blurb, heck, not the friggen front cover....yikes!!! my face, plastered over downtown wellington, outside dairy's, sitting on coffee tables on cuba st cafe's, ahhh. I loved hearing Mum's reaction, I didnt tell her a thing about this, "OH MY GOD, Chonnie, its like all my 19 Tablets of Ahmad have been answered this morning. I have 9 copies of it on my lap. The article is great. I am just so proud of you. If I died tomorrow I wouldnt care, my life is complete. I would go through all the crap, all the challenges in my life again just for this, just for you to be firm in the Faith." that was so sweet. I could just picture her, sitting outside the check-out's at new world lower hutt with this stack of capital times on her lap....hehe.
This whole experience has taught me that what I assume the media, or people in generals reaction to the Faith, or to my story from drama school to bahai world centre, is totally wrong. It's front page news.....and its time to share this Faith with everyone, and they are interested....make the first step and Baha'u'llah provides....

Naw Ruz and Nose Bleeds

its the new year and im lying in bed with a bleeding nose.
its 30 degrees outside and i cant figure out if i have a fever or if its just the unexpected heatwave.

mum' attempt to make me feel better, via webcam

Mum: Dont feel sad. Think of lassie (my old collie)
Me: She's dead.
Mum: No she's not. She's everywhere.
Me: She's dead.
Mum: Dont say that. Can't you feel her warm fluffy fur?

My mum.
Gotta love her optimism. And this conversation certainly cheered me up.
I remember she used to collect bags of Lassie's fur in the hope of one day making a jersey out of it. Yes. That's right. Wear your dog as a top. The latest fashion of Lower Hutt in 1993. I remember the stench. Bags and Bags of golden brown collie fur in New World plastic bags sitting in our rumpus room by Lassie's mason and pearson brush. The brush was the most expensive one in the house. Lassie was a show dog so she had to have the best.
Yes, i come from the Hutt.
The ultimate apparel. Dressed as your dog.
There was a lady who would actually make the jersey's out of your dog's fur. She had a stall at the dog show's we entered Lassie into (it was my dream as a 11 year old to be the Young Dog-handler of the Year, never quite got there cos Lassie had a limp).
Back to the fur lady, she would spin it herself. All you had to do was supply the fur. She sported one from her german short haired pointer. He must be bauld.
Oh the joys of dogs and dog shows. Lassie, you made my nose bleed stop. Rest in Peace my furry friend.

Staring at the sun

5.15am. Blurry dreams. Reflecting on last night, alone in the room of Baha'u'llah at the Mansion of Bahji, the smell of the lamp oil, the flickers of light on the white sheets.
The tranquility I felt. As if conversing with Him, alone in His presence...then dream-hop to another space and time, laughing, discussing passionately something I cannot remember with someone I cannot recall, only those insignificant details like his long brown fringe waving about his face as he spoke... disjointed, bitsy, deep, light, irreverant, all over the show... then I abruptly wake up to a knock on the door, my beautiful flatmate Claudine greets me with 'Time to eat Chantelle!' We both laugh as I leap up in my dishevelled state, and head for the kitchen. The birds outside our window greeted us while we warmed up Cameroonian style black beans and rice, my fast breakfast special!
We ate together in our living room, Smith & Dragoman playing in the background as I sip my last few sips of water for 11 hours. We are buzzing with excitement, sharing our hopes for the Fasting time. A time to draw nearer to Source, to cleanse not only physically but spiritually. I can't stop thinking about how hugely significant fasting is to our spiritual development, as important as the Sun to humanity, without which we cannot survive.

"Verily, the religion of God is like unto heaven; fasting is its sun, and obligitory prayer is its moon. In truth, they are the pillars of religion..."

Baha'u'llah

The relationship between the two, the connection of sun and moon, fascinates me.

In some ways you would think obligitory prayer would be the sun, being something that is with you every day, a reminder, a daily check-in to your purpose of existence in this world, "to know Thee and to worship Thee". But in this case obligitory prayer is the moon, which orbits the sun, fasting.

I stopped studying science in 5th form, as you can tell, hehe, but i love just visualising this whole process, and the parallels between science and religion, even on the most simple of levels, like this diagram, straight from a school text book. The Sun, the Fast at the centre of it all. Obligitory Prayer, the moon, revolving around it. Fasting is the sun, the writings talk about the Heat generated during the Fast, the burning fire of the love of God that should be ablaze within you... The ultimate expression of prayer, 19 days devoted to close communion with your Creator, re-connecting, drawing nearer, battery re-charging for the year ahead. Obligitory prayer feeds you, little bit by little bit until the following year where you need to re-fuel again.... Fasting seems a bit like the marathon event that the orbit of obligitory prayer has been training you for.

Spring-cleaning, phsyically and spiritually. Re-arranging everything. I have this sudden urge to empty out all my cupboards, re-arrange my bedroom, throw away old clothes. Just like how I want to do with my all thoughts, my habits, my goals. What do my thoughts fixate around, what is productive, what is blocking or preventing me from moving forward? What do I need to re-arrange within myself?
I am going to start with the physical as the two are a reflection of the other. perhaps if my bedroom is organised, my mind may begin to mirror...hehe

meeting the replacement...

today i met my replacement.
we even look similiar.

something about her nose, her face, her voice...
it was a little bit freaky...like de ja vu to me a year ago.
she asked,
"what made you apply to serve here?"
good question.

part of me just did it, no real thought behind it. I remember, one and a half years ago (oh my!) sitting at the computer in the library of Toi Whakaari NZ drama school, thinking 'Haifa....that sounds interesting, i would have finished my degree, i havent got any massive acting jobs on the horizon, never really done a year of service before, and i kinda want to throw myself in the deep end, find out what its like to live, eat, and breathe all things Baha'i.'
so i filled out the form in may 2006 and forgot about it...

i remember we were rehersing for our graduation play 'Peer Gynt' when I was being interviewed, i was so excited, i spent most of the rehearsals day dreaming back stage admist the wooden debry of a set about what it would be like to live in Haifa, what would I be doing, how would i live, what would life in Israel be like....i had those stereo-typical war-torn images in my mind, the thrill of the unknown...

and then the acceptance phone call. i was tutoring book one i remember in my flat. I told them to call back! ha. Then i couldnt sleep for days. This was november, they wanted me there beginning of Jan. I had no money for the airfare, but where there is a will there is a way!

Suddenly my promo job handing out free samples of chicken flavoured chips at New World supermarkets around the lower North Island took on a whole new meaning. I may be dressed in a chicken outfit, but I was saving money for Haifa, I was selling out of stock in two hours...hehe
then i had to depart with the Moa. My beautiful toyota corsa hatchback, titled 'Moa' on the side....but it was either her or no ticket.....

and then 1st Jan 2007, arrival in Israel. New Year's Eve fireworks welcoming me as we drive through Ben Gurion Avenue, seeing the Shrine of the Bab for the first time.
"Welcome to your spiritual home" I remember my driver whispering to me as I peered out the window in utter disbelief, wanting to shout, cry, and laugh all at the same time. My new home for 18months.

And 25th Feb 2008 here I am....the home straight in sight...mixed feelings of 'are you kidding' 'i am so attached to this place' ' have i made the most of it?' 'where am i going from here?' 'how have I changed? what have i learnt?' 'how can i give back the flood of bounties that have been showered on me since comng here?' 'where can i serve the faith with this fire burning in my heart?' 'how can i keep this feeling with me forever?'

getting ready to leave the nest....
learning to trust.