meeting the replacement...

today i met my replacement.
we even look similiar.

something about her nose, her face, her voice...
it was a little bit freaky...like de ja vu to me a year ago.
she asked,
"what made you apply to serve here?"
good question.

part of me just did it, no real thought behind it. I remember, one and a half years ago (oh my!) sitting at the computer in the library of Toi Whakaari NZ drama school, thinking 'Haifa....that sounds interesting, i would have finished my degree, i havent got any massive acting jobs on the horizon, never really done a year of service before, and i kinda want to throw myself in the deep end, find out what its like to live, eat, and breathe all things Baha'i.'
so i filled out the form in may 2006 and forgot about it...

i remember we were rehersing for our graduation play 'Peer Gynt' when I was being interviewed, i was so excited, i spent most of the rehearsals day dreaming back stage admist the wooden debry of a set about what it would be like to live in Haifa, what would I be doing, how would i live, what would life in Israel be like....i had those stereo-typical war-torn images in my mind, the thrill of the unknown...

and then the acceptance phone call. i was tutoring book one i remember in my flat. I told them to call back! ha. Then i couldnt sleep for days. This was november, they wanted me there beginning of Jan. I had no money for the airfare, but where there is a will there is a way!

Suddenly my promo job handing out free samples of chicken flavoured chips at New World supermarkets around the lower North Island took on a whole new meaning. I may be dressed in a chicken outfit, but I was saving money for Haifa, I was selling out of stock in two hours...hehe
then i had to depart with the Moa. My beautiful toyota corsa hatchback, titled 'Moa' on the side....but it was either her or no ticket.....

and then 1st Jan 2007, arrival in Israel. New Year's Eve fireworks welcoming me as we drive through Ben Gurion Avenue, seeing the Shrine of the Bab for the first time.
"Welcome to your spiritual home" I remember my driver whispering to me as I peered out the window in utter disbelief, wanting to shout, cry, and laugh all at the same time. My new home for 18months.

And 25th Feb 2008 here I am....the home straight in sight...mixed feelings of 'are you kidding' 'i am so attached to this place' ' have i made the most of it?' 'where am i going from here?' 'how have I changed? what have i learnt?' 'how can i give back the flood of bounties that have been showered on me since comng here?' 'where can i serve the faith with this fire burning in my heart?' 'how can i keep this feeling with me forever?'

getting ready to leave the nest....
learning to trust.

Day 1

Pilgrimage reflections: Day 1

"Utter humbleness and entire devotion" - the state one must be in for a true pilgrimage experience according to Abdul-Baha.


What does that mean? To be utterly humble? Entirely devoted?






At the shrines I felt that smallness, that awe-inspiring feeling I had been longing for. I had it when I first arrived, but now it feels much more intimate. I felt as if the Bab's hand was on my heart today in the Shrine. An easeful opening. A warmth, an incredible warmth in the shrines, enveloping your whole being. The energy in the room, packed full of pilgrims from around the world, all in their national costume. So devoted. Entirely devoted. It hit me what a truly global, all-embracing faith I am apart of. . .

Clearing my mind. Meditating inside the Shrines, the closest we can get in our physical life time to the Manifestations of God in this age - the Bab, and Baha'u'llah. I kept thinking how lucky I am to serve at the Shrines. The Point round Whom circle the souls of all mankind.





Reflecting on my life. I can't describe how thankful I am. So happy. So fulfilled.

"To keep that feeling you have inside the Shrines when you are out in the world, that's the real challenge." says Joy as we walk down the red pebble path back to the pilgrim house.

Pebbles.
Cold feet on marble.
Shining colomns, like wax dripping from a candle.
Birds circumabulating.

Light upon Light

Finally, after much procrastination, I have arrived in the land of blogging!

It is hard to sum up what has gone on during the last year while living in Israel. To start off with I am going to share my experience of my first ever Baha'i Pilgrimage, which happend a month ago in the twin Holy Cities of Haifa & Akka.

Part of me was reluctant to do this, to share what has been the most moving and deeply profound experience of my life, and even attempting to describe what exactly is a Baha’i pilgrimage is beyond me. I am still trying to process what happend, and will probably do so for the rest of my life!

But at the same time, going on pilgrimage is a gift and privilege that needs to be expressed and shared with everyone.
I think of those friends and families in New Zealand who told me before I left to come on service here in Jan 2007, that though they long for it, they could never come on pilgrimage because they cant afford it or their health cannot take it.

I keep their faces, their words, their spirits with me as I step into the Shrines and place my head on the threshold. I think of the Baha’is in Iran and the horrendous persecutions they continually face. I think of myself, 23 years old, from a pretty sheltered, comfortable existence, and a 23 year old in Iran today who is denied university education, basic human rights, suffering so much because of their devotion, how it’s all connected, how it all contributed to getting me here.

Coming on pilgrimage, praying athe Shrine of the Bab and Baha'u'llah is one part of it but the most important part is the action once you leave, how you apply what you have learnt and experienced. So my first step in this is to share a tiny glimpse of a privilege not everyone can attain

9 days of deep reflection.

Of cleansing your soul and spirit.

9 days of rejuvenation

Of battery re charging

Of ‘spring cleaning’

Clarity of mind

Reminding yourself of what really is important

Walking step by step through the history of the Faith in the Holy Land.

9 days of walking in the footsteps of the Blessed Beauty Himself, of Abdul Baha, of the Holy Family...

It did feel like that. The slate was wiped clean. A fresh start. A soul scrub, the mirror of your heart polished after the dusty build up of time and experience.

ready

Of zooming out into the macro and zooming into the micro of what my faith is.

Of breathing in the same air

Of walking up the same stone steps

Of seeing what He saw from the windows of His prison cell. The incredible waves of Akka behind that ancient fortress wall.

Sitting in the same room as He revealed tablets, as pilgrims would sit, hundred or so years before, and here we are now. History repeating but never losing its essence

I have four Wellingtonian Baha’is with me on pilgrimage, Zane, Ruby, Huda & Joy. My spiritual family. It’s incredible how it all worked out, to share this experience with people who have known you since you were just a child going to feast and making paper laterns in the corner.

Met Joy at the the train station. A refreshing reminder of my New Zealand roots. My spiritual mother, so real, so honest. What an utter gift from Baha’ullah to share pilgrimage with her.“I don’t know if I’m welcoming you home, or you welcoming me” she said to me as she stepped out of the train station, seeing the shrine of the Bab and the terraces in the distance

Huda & Ruby, outside the Prison Cell of Baha'ullah in Akka. They had just come from visiting family in Sulamaniyah, Iraq, where you live each day just to cover the basics. You have running water if you are lucky every three days, and the power will switch on and off throughout the day and night. Air thick with pollution. The Bahai’s in Iraq and other Arab countries cannot come on pilgrimage at this stage so she has their prayers with her, hand written.

So lucky to be able to do this. So so lucky. Those are the people we are taking with us.

Even though I have served here at the Baha'i World Centre, at the Shrine of the Bab, for 12 months, I feel like I'm seeing it all through a totally new perspective as a pilgrim. My heart feels much more tender and open, my mind clearer. My pace slower. I am able to actually breathe it in now, where I am, slowly and carefully.