around and around

back to shanghai after what seemed to be a flashback in time.

Haifa.
Akka.
That Spot.
wow.
I am so grateful that it happened, as brief as it was, it was just the right time for me to go back to that world I lived in for 18months, to see it with a fresh pair of eyes again.
It is like living in a dream being there. the bright blue sky, the stillness and serenity. the Shrines.
the people
the love
the support
the understanding
the striving

there is something magical about the world centre,
as if time stands still,
you can just live in the moment, reflect, breathe deeper than usual...

it was the most perfect of timings for me. needed some breathing space from the hussle and bussle of shanghai, or mainly...my head and the madness of my thoughts!
learning to stay in the present...rather than obsessing about the future...hmmmm working on that one...its funny how there is this constant battle of 'where do i want to be?' 'am i doing enough'

i want to be able to keep that stillness, that fullness, that absolute surrender one feels when you are in the Shrines, with me, at my work, as I walk around the crowded streets of Shanghai.

A process of remembering who we are, our essence, and forgetting.
never quite 'forgetting' as such, more like becoming clouded with other issues, or experiences that trick me into seeming 'important'...the dross of self getting in the way...i felt like for those 6 days i could clear myself again...how to keep it with me...thats the next part...

even though i have only been back three days...i can feel the dust accumulating again...the stress of work and doing a play with two week's rehearsal, the bouts of loneliness, although i have support around...i guess thats the reality of where I am at, the 'twenties something' angst of not quite being a 'grown up', cant really rely on mum or dad anymore, not quite stable in my career, or in myself and my service ...always wanting more, but hey, its small steps.

if thats what i learnt in the last 6 days...from small steps comes big change.
we hear that all the time but for some reason i got it on a different level this time round.

but it takes time
...
why is patience so hard to develop?? ...